How To Choose A Mediator
A divorce is a painful process for most anyone including
children and especially for the party that does not want to throw in the towel.
If this is the unfortunate and inevitable new chapter in your life, you and
your soon to be ‘ex’ should seriously consider the divorce mediation option.
Once this has been decided upon, the next and most important step will be to
identify a mediator. There are many things to consider but some of the more
important ones are cost, chemistry, qualified, neutrality, an educator, and a
program manager.
Cost will be one of the major factors but it should not be
the priority or only factor to consider. For many attorneys, there won’t be a
large range of cost variance but when compared to other divorce options, the mediator is still
the most inexpensive.
Chemistry is another factor for both parties because the
mediator should be someone who is compassionate regardless of “who is right or
wrong” and shouldn’t take sides in either case. Hopefully, everyone involved
should make the children the priority when it comes to emotions, impact to
lives, and outcomes.
Qualifications and training should be an important
consideration too. Aside from meeting some state requirements for formal
education such as social work, psychology, or similar field, and certifications
including those from the Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) and similar
organizations. Also, consider any volunteer experience which may be listed on
the American Bar Association (ABA), you’ll want to verify this too.
Neutrality is very important for both parties and if the
mediator is unable or unwilling to be neutral, then it’s time to move on to
find a new one. Being neutral means that the mediator stays objective and does
not include their own agenda or picks sides but one who is willing to listen
attentively to both sides and acknowledge each party too. This means the
mediator can’t give advice to either party, and also can’t act as a lawyer for
either party.
The mediator may serve as an educator too. The mediation
process is something which not many people know and one in which you need to
help in navigating including having the correct forms and following court
protocol that will lead to the end result, a divorce. The mediator should have
adequate experience and training and be willing to explain the processes and
procedures for both parties. Keep in mind, the mediator is not a referee, policeman,
arbitrator, and judge but someone who does not make decisions for either party
but is someone more like a navigator or traffic cop.
Just like running a project or program (PM), the mediator
should also be able to take on your case and use similar tools and methods. A
PM typically is concerned with cost, schedule, and performance and likewise,
the mediator should be focused and objective to ensure that your case is on
budget and on time.